検討に供することができればと、お見苦しい途中段階までさらしたため、「訂正は自分でするのか」と思われていたらごめんなさい、白い都様。最終的にはそのまま使えるきれいな形でお渡しします、と最初に申し上げておくべきでした。

一応これが「手直しした原稿」提出です。
毎度必ずネイティヴ・チェックは入れてもらってからアップするのが当サイトの方針ですが、今回は時間が押しているので、今から期限までにやってもらえるか、まだわかりません。それができた時点で「最終稿」と称することにします。

解説が不完全ですが、まずは納品（？）してしまいますね。
----------------------------------------------
Dear Ms. Philippa Boyens,

This is a petition from a Japanese fan of your film "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring", concerning its Japanese subtitles.

No praise can express how I admire your script, the miracle you and Mr. Jackson have worked for the world to see. Unfortunately however, my friends and I strongly believe that inaccurately translated subtitles distort what you and ultimately what J.R.R. Tolkien have created. I ask you to refer to the list of most serious errors attached at the end of this petition.

We learned that you spent two to three years with Mr. Peter Jackson to complete the script of ”The Lord of the Rings” with due and profound respect to the Tolkien's work. Nevertheless, the Japanese translator, who is a well-known subtitler for foreign films, but who admits she has hardly read the original, has been allowed to spoil your endeavour. Some of the Japanese subtitles are not true to your script, and the errors are unrelated to the number-of-letters restriction (Japanese subtitles have limits on the number of letters per length of each scene). Unavoidably, in significant parts of the film, wrong interpretations of the storyline and the character-settings are forced upon the audience. Yet the fact remains that most Japanese rely on subtitles when they watch foreign films.

As soon as "The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring" was released in Japan, concerns were raised that downright and inexcusable errors in the subtitles should be corrected. These resulted in 1281 signatures for a petition on the Internet, which were sent to Nippon Herald Films Inc., the Japanese distributor, late in May. The reply, or rather a notice, was then posted on the Japanese official website of the film in early June. We found this announcement unacceptable: it did not contain a single word of apology for mistranslation, and nowhere was expressed any intention to revise the errors. It merely mentioned that the subtitles in DVD/VHS will be revised, reasoning that the corrections will be possible this time out of simple technical reasons, the number-of-letters restriction being less strict in these media. To our great disappointment, we found that they decided to hire the same translator for the forthcoming "The Two Towers" and "The Return of the King".

This petition was prepared to bring this deadlock to an end. It is now obvious that Nippon Herald will not admit their fault, despite the criticisms from the audience. We sincerely hope that a translator who honours your achievement and Tolkien's original work, and an authorized supervisor for translation are hired for the Japanese subtitles of the succeeding two films, "The Two Towers" and "The Return of the King".

We are also sending the petition to Mr. Peter Jackson along the same line. If you would talk to him on this matter, we should be most grateful.

(My signature)

p.s.
A group of people, faithful readers of Tolkien and admirers of your film, have worked on this petition. They allow anyone who agrees with them to send the same petition individually, in the hope of drawing your attention.
I have loved the original books since I was a child (in Japanese translation). Many years I dreamed of the day this wonderful story would be visualized in a film.
I appreciate your brilliant achievement which has made it come true. Therefore I do personally wish to see a proper translation for your "the Lord of the Rings" films, and I took the chance to do something myself.

---------------------------------------
注：ベースになったのは、白い都様がお使いになった旧・監督宛ではなく、連絡室962のword文書ですので、その二者間の差異には言及していません。

《主要訂正変更箇所》
★１．
＞The film has achieved a considerable international success, also in Japan.
＞を、脚本家宛独自の表現、あの脚本を礼賛する一文に変えたい
⇒No praise can express how I admire your script, the miracle you and Mr. Jackson have worked for the world to see.

２．冒頭の挿入文（重複のお詫び）はなしにしました。。

３．No.10［依頼］で
>１２．行き詰まりを打開するために嘆願書を作成しました
>（段落全体をＮＬあて嘆願書の文章に差し替え。WeをMy fiends and Iに代える。）
の部分、やはり「誰が作成した」と書かずに、受動態を使って
⇒This petition was prepared to bring this deadlock to an end.
にしました。

★４．脚本家さんに「どうしてほしいのか」を伝える一文を、署名の前に追加してみました。
We are also sending the petition to Mr. Peter Jackson along the same line. If you would talk to him on this matter, we should be most grateful.
（監督にも同趣旨の嘆願を送っています。あなたがこの問題について監督に話をして下さるなら、非常に有り難く思います）

５．独自追伸部分。
・I have read ⇒I have loved
・of course ⇒なしに
・I dreamed that this wonderful story would be a film.
⇒I dreamed of the day this wonderful story would be visualized in a film.
ここまでは、better になったと言えるのですが、次の
・that made ⇒ which has made
関係詞の選択の根拠はうまく説明できない……時制のほうは、脚本家と監督達のおかげで「今あの映画が観られる」のだから、現在完了に間違いないのですが。

疑問点など、どうぞ遠慮なくお問い合わせください。＞白い都様

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