完成稿のワンステップ前の段階です。470＋478
----------------------------------------------
Dear Ms. Boyens,

This is my second letter on Japanese subtitles for your film "The Lord of the Rings".
I sent you a letter in September and you kindly replied to me. My fellow members of the movement for better and proper subtitles on FotR have been much encouraged by your letter. Let me thank you again on behalf of them.

★Firstly, I report to you about the subtitles in DVD/VHS released in Japan on September 21st. I'm sorry it has taken so long. The reason is that the members have not reached an agreement on the evaluation.

We did find that some of the errors in the subtitles were revised, but opinions differ among the fans, from "acceptable as a whole" to "absolutely unforgivable". At least, "The Most Serious Errors" which I sent you the list of, were all repaired except for these two lines :

＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38)
Aragorn：
[script] I let Frodo go.
[subtitle] He has left.
Boromir：
[script] Then you did what I could not.
[subtitle] I am ashamed.

That is, Boromir is not a liar, and there is not "the Creator of life" anymore. But in my opinion, there still remain too many bad translations and unsuitable words for the scene in the subtitles in DVD/VHS. I think they are far from satisfactory, not at all what your FotR deserves, though I admit that they are better than the theater version.

I have picked up some of the remaining errors to show you, and with the help of translators have made "A List of Mistranslations in DVD/VHS", inadequate as it is. It is attached at the end of this letter.

★And secondly, I have another bad news to tell you: your current trailer for "The Two Towers" on the Japanese official website released on October 18th, to our great dismay, is marred by the Japanese subtitles AGAIN. TheOneRing.net took up this news and I enclose a copy of the article in this letter with the list. Maybe you know it already?

On the above-mentioned site in June Nippon Herald Films Inc. said that for TTT Ms. Akiko Tanaka (one of the two Japanese translators of the original books) and Hyoron-sha (the publisher) would help the subtitler.
But to be frank with you, I cannot trust to its word, because there is no guarantee of their authority over the subtitler. However useful counsel they may give, it will be no use if the subtitler does not accept it (we have good reasons to fear that is very likely to be the case).

My friends and I are very anxious about subtitles in the coming film "The Two Towers".
Now we are preparing another petition to ask for good and proper subtitles for TTT and RotK.

I wish you could appoint an agent to supervise the making of subtitles, with a good interpreter whose knowledge in Japanese language and whose judgement you can trust. I know it is too much to ask, of course.
Still we believe --- or sincerely hope --- that your interest in this matter can bring a big change, if I may say so.

We are looking forward to seeing your TTT (now all the more for the trailer and the supplements in DVD. I was greatly thrilled when I found you in one of the interviews!

Sincerely yours,

（白い都手書き署名）

p.s. Before sending this letter I put it up on our Website, 'Workshop for Better Subtitles (on FotR, now on LotR Movies)', to show it to my fellow members. And those who share my opinion were eager to support me, and wanted their names to be sent to you along with my letter.

（連署：本名住所ローマ字印字）
------------------------
１．
★署名前の最終の一文を、Evenstar 様475により修正。⇒「インタヴュウの一つの中にあなたを見つけた時、私はとてもどきどきしました！」くらいの感じか。

私ハーブは、 greatly thrilled という表現でもまだEvenstar 様は遠慮なさってもとの幼稚で大げさな英語に近くとどめようとなさったのではないかと疑っております（笑）。
＞大人のファンレターであるのなら、せめて thrilled ぐらの表現にとどめておいたほうが
どうか一切の遠慮をお捨て下さって、「せめて」ではなく、ずばり
☆これなら品位を損なわずに「自分に手紙の返事をくれた、尊敬する脚本家氏の『ご尊顔を拝して感激しました』と伝えられる」表現☆
がありましたらお教えいただければと存じます。ずうずうしいお願いで恐縮ですが。＞Evenstar 様

２．
★連署についての言及は、書き手白い都さまによる説明と紹介のみ。
連署者からボウエンズさんへの「一言ご挨拶」なくていいのかなあ？とハーブはまだ疑問が残るのですが…

３．
★★今回初出のハーブによる変更。
第２段落冒頭 Today, ⇒ Firstly
第７段落冒頭 And now ⇒ Secondly

読みなおしていて、２段落目の段階では「今ごろDVDの話？（英語圏では３ヶ月も前に発売された、かつ済んでしまった話）」だけの手紙と思われてここで置かれてはならぬ、と気づきまして。

「今日はDVD字幕とTTTトレイラー字幕との話をします」と変更しかけて、「第１に・第２に」を思いつきました。もとの Today, に比べて稚拙でない（書き言葉っぽい）のは確かですが、これは今日では堅くて個人手紙に不似合いなのか、『米』ではそうでも『英』母体のニュージーランドでは別に奇異ではないのか、そこまではわかりません。多少ニュアンスが生硬でも、明確になるので入れたほうがいいかと思います。

-----------------
些細な話。
まさかと思っていた２度目のツリー満杯が起きるか？　たしか、１ツリー当たりの発言数増やしとくよう頼んだはずだが。もしリミットが近ければ今日深夜お知らせしますが、あまりお気になさらずご投稿下さい。

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　│　　└◆449:残る作業は [ハーブ] 11/10 00:57
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　││└◆441:印刷の体裁は良くします [白い都] 11/08 12:47
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　│　├◆460:それでは [ハーブ] 11/11 19:38
　│　└◆462:追伸文案第２稿 [ハーブ] 11/11 20:06
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　└◆481:最終？ 誤訳リスト [ハーブ] 11/12 18:28
　　├◆485:コメント部分の修正と訳 [白い都] 11/13 02:51
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