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└◇915:【決定稿】誤訳リスト [ハーブ] 12/13 14:28

　├◇916:誤訳リスト選択解説 [ハーブ] 12/13 14:30
　└◇918:【緊急！】OurPeopleとWhiteCityの順序逆 [白い都] 12/13 19:57
　　├◇919:Re:【緊急！】しまった、時間延長願い [ハーブ] 12/13 21:10
　　│└◇920:発送明日。午前１０時締め [白い都] 12/13 21:33
　　│　└◇922:言い忘れ・行動予定 [白い都] 12/13 21:44<-last
　　└◇921:暫定訂正案「種族」 [ハーブ] 12/13 21:42

＃914とのタイトルの差は、こちらは【完成】と言い切れる出来ではないという個人的感情によるもので、たいした意味はありません m( _ _ )m

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　　　　　　EXAMPLES OF MISTRANSLATIONS
　　that Distorted "The Fellowship of the Ring"

　　　　Corrected and Uncorrected in DVD(2-disk)/VHS
　　　　　　(Re-translated into English)




　　Mistranslations in Theatrical Release
　　　　　Later Corrected in DVD/VHS
(from "The List of Most Serious Errors" sent to you in August)

＞At the Sign of the Prancing Pony (chapter 12)
Barliman：
[script] Good evening, little Masters.
[subtitle] What are these shorties here for?
comment：The subtitle made Barliman too rude a landlord to offer any greetings to his guests, who looks down on Hobbits.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
Boromir：
[script] Long has my father, the Steward of Gondor kept the forces of Mordor at bay. By the blood of our people are your lands kept safe.
[subtitle] My father who was the Steward of Gondor beat off the army of Mordor. By the blood of our people, he kept your lands safe.
comment：According to the subtitle, Boromir's father was already dead. Some of the audience who had read the original thought the story was changed by the director.

＞The Bridge of Khazad-dum (chapter 30)
Gandalf：
[script] I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Anor!
[subtitle] I am a servant of the Secret(Anor) Fire, the Creator of life!
comment：It is unbelievable. "Wielder of the flame" was eliminated, Anor was identified with Secret, and "the Creator of life" was made up by the translator.
＞Lothlorien (chapter 31)
Boromir：
[script] And the tower guard shall take up the call "The Lords of Gondor have returned."
[subtitle] And the tower guard will cry "The King of Gondor has returned."
comment：Boromir calls Aragorn his king only at his death. But the subtitle completely ignored this and spoiled the climax of the film.

＞Farewell to Lorien (chapter 34)
Galadriel：
[script] I give you the light of Earendil, our most beloved star.
[subtitle] I give you the light of Elendil.
comment：All the Tolkien readers among the audience were puzzled to find "Earendil" was changed to "Elendil", leaping over three thousand years.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Frodo：
[script] You are not yourself.
[subtitle] You are a liar!
comment：Frodo knows Boromir is now under the dominion of the ring, but the subtitle described Frodo as despising Boromir utterly. It settled the impression of Boromir for the audience as an ill-willed, dishonest man.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Frodo：
[script] Can you protect me from yourself? Would you destroy it?
[subtitle] Don't you need this? Can you destroy it?
comment：It looked as if Frodo were the tempter, not the ring.

＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38)
Boromir：
[script] Our people. Our people.
[subtitle] Our species. Human beings.
comment：Boromir means the people of Minas Tirith, not the human race on earth as a whole. This subtitle does not lead to the next line of Aragorn, "I will not let the White City fall."

＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38)
Aragorn：
[script] I do not know what strength is in my blood. But I swear to you, I will not let the White City fall. Nor our people fail.
[subtitle] By the strength in my blood, I will protect our city, and save men from ruin.
comment：It was too bold of the translator to assume that Aragorn no longer expressed his doubts about his inheritance.

＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38)
Boromir：
[script] I would have followed you, my brother. My captain. My king.
[subtitle] I feel regret, our brother. Our captain. Our king.
comment：After Boromir heard Aragorn's words "our people", he finally accepts Aragorn as the king. "My" is an important word because Boromir personally pledges allegiance to his uncrowned king. These subtitles obscured Boromir's feelings.

＞The First Footage of "The Twe Towers"
Gandalf：
[script] Sauron is not so mighty yet that he is above fear.
[subtitle] Sauron is nothing for us to fear.
comment：This error reveales the translator's total lack of very basic knowledge of the story in addition to the very poor understanding of English language.

＞The First Footage of "The Twe Towers"
Saruman：
[script] So Gandalf Greyhame thinks he has found the lost King of Gondor.
[subtitle] Did Gandalf find the lost Kingdom of Gondor?
comment：Another unprofessional mistake. One who does not know the difference between 'king' and 'kingdom' should not do the job.


EXAMPLES OF BAD TRANSLATIONS IN DVD(2-disk)/VHS
　　　　　(Remaining Uncorrected)


＞Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe (chapter 6)
Gandalf：
[script] There are some things that I must see to.
[subtitle] I have my business.
Frodo：
[script] What things?
[subtitle] What business?
Gandalf：
[script] Questions. Questions that need answering.
[subtitle] Many things. I have to finish them.
comment：This is the scene where it occurs to Gandalf for the first time that the ring might be the One Ring, and this suspicion urges him to leave at once. Yet the subtitles fail to communicate the gravity of the situation.

＞The Shadow of the Past (chapter 8)
Gandalf：
[script] But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.
[subtitle] But its power is too terrible to imagine.
comment: This translation gives no helpful explanation as to why the powerful wizard refuses to shoulder the burden in stead of the little one. The ring is all the more terrible in the hand of the great, and this is what sets Frodo, not a great warrior nor a wiseman, at the center of the story.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
Boromir：
[script] Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.
[subtitle] A king for Gondor? We do not need one.
comment：These subtitles create a domineering impression that a 'king' or 'kingship' as a notion is quite unfamiliar to Boromir, as if Gondor were a republic.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
Gandalf：
[script] I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins. As long as it is yours to bear.
[subtitle] I will share the burden. I will be watching you.
comment：The subtitle utterly fails to illuminate the core issue here, that the burden of the ring-bearer belongs solely to Frodo and that it cannot be shared.
＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
Boromir：
[script] If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done.
[subtitle] If this is the decision of the council, Gondor will obey it.
comment：Boromir does not 'obey' the council's decision, he only concedes to its will. Yet the subtitle conjurs an image as if Boromir has given up his argument altogether. As a result, he gets portrayed as a betrayer in the later stage of the film, who once obeyed and then turns to his own selfish scheme.

＞A Journey in the Dark (chapter 28), The Road Goes Ever On...(chapter 39)
Gandalf：
[script] So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you.
[subtitle] Everyone feels that way when he's having a hard time, but you can't change it. What's more important for you is, to think what you should do at the moment.
NOTE： Only the subtitle for the latter part of the first line has been changed.
[subtitle in theater] Everyone feels that way when he's having a hard time, but it is too late to regret.
comment: The philosophical discussion gets denigrated down to a mere issue of street smartness.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Frodo：
[script] I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart.
[subtitle] Your words sound kind, but they mean warning to me.
comment：The subtitler does not seem to know that 'but for' is one thing and 'but' is quite another.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Boromir：
[script] We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.
[subtitle] We're all afraid, but if we are overcome by fear, all will be lost. Don't forget it.
comment：To Boromir the ring is a gift, a powerful weapon that can be used against the Enemy as he said at the council. That has never left his mind and he cannot accept the idea that the ring should be destroyed. None of such thoughts of his is expressed in the subtitle.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Frodo：
[script] It has taken Boromir.
[subtitle] Boromir....
comment：The subtitler, Natsuko Toda, often does this with short sentences: She takes one single noun out of the line and adds a question mark, or else three dots. Another example is in the article of TheOneRing.Net: "Warning?"
These two cases are representative of this style of hers.
Such subtitles, needless to say, give audience little information and much confusion. But it does not occur to many that the fault is in the translation and not in the script itself.

＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38)
Aragorn：
[script] I let Frodo go.
[subtitle] He has left.
Boromir：
[script] Then you did what I could not.
[subtitle] I am ashamed.
comment：Here, Boromir understands that Aragorn won over ring's temptation to which Boromir himself has succumed to, and as a result he recognizes Aragorn as his superior. Yet the subtitles do not introduce these trains of Boromir's thoughts and emotions.

誤訳リストのコメントに関する覚書のようなものです。
・旧版改正
８月に「誤訳リスト」作成した時には合議で、ハーブにははっきりした主導権がありませんでしたし、遠慮もまだあって、納得のいくものばかりではなかったのでした。でもすでに同じ相手に送っているものですから、変更は最小限にとどめました。（時制は公開中と公開終了後の違いによる。内容変更については、＃837末尾から847、852が『人類』。＃853、854『ゴンドール廃墟』関連）

・急ぎ新版
フィリパさん宛にはコメントはいらなくても、NL宛には必要、と随分前から言われていながら、ぎりぎりのやっつけ仕事になって申し訳なかったです。でも、いったんは「出来ませんっ！」と言っていたことを考えると、そして特に Evenstar 様がほとんどについて手直し案を下さったので、ずっと気が楽になりました。決定稿の多くは Evenstar 様案を使わせていただいていますが、再確認を兼ねて報告と私見など。もう終わってしまったので、後悔先に立たずではありますが、ここはやっぱり拙かった、という点があればご指摘下さい。（あと一日あったらなあ、と毎度ながら思うことしきり）
------------------------------------------

＞Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe (chapter 6)「用事がある。片付けねば」
ハーブ案：This is the scene where it occurs to Gandalf the ring might be the One Ring, and the suspicion urges him to leave in a hurry. The subtitle fails to show the gravity of the situation.

Evenstar 様案： This is the scene where it occurs to Gandalf for the first time that the ring might be the One Ring, and this suspicion prompts him to leave at once. Yet the subtitle fails to communicate the gravity of the situation.

決定稿：This is the scene where it occurs to Gandalf for the first time that the ring might be the One Ring, and this suspicion urges him to leave at once. Yet the subtitles fail to communicate the gravity of the situation.
（こういう特定箇所の数ラインの時は、いつも the subtitle が単数か複数か悩みます。

＞The Shadow of the Past (chapter 8)　指輪の力
★ここだけは悩んだ挙句、どちらでもないものになりました。
ハーブ案：Viewers cannot see, reading only this translation, why the powerful wizard will not take the burden in stead of the little one. The ring is all the more terrible in the hand of the great, and that is the very reason that no one but Frodo the Hobbit is to be the ring-bearer, the hero and the center of the whole story.

Evenstar 様案： In this translation, the wizard gives no helpful explanation as to why he himself refuses to shoulder the burden and makes the little one to do so in his stead. Here, the very reason that the ring is all the more terrible in the hand of the great than to be kept in possession of an ordinary remains untouched.

決定稿：This translation gives no helpful explanation as to why the powerful wizard refuses to shoulder the burden in stead of the little one. The ring is all the more terrible in the hand of the great, and this is what sets Frodo, not a great warrior nor a wiseman, at the center of the story.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)「ゴンドールの王だと？」
ハーブ案：These subtitles strongly give an impression that the word 'king' is quite unfamiliar to Boromir, as if Gondor were a republic that had never known kingship.

Evenstar 様案＝決定稿：These subtitles create a domineering impression that a 'king' or 'kingship' as a notion is quite unfamiliar to Boromir, as if Gondor were a republic.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)「重荷を分かち合おう」
ハーブ案：Again the subtitle misses the biggest point. The burden of the ring can not be shared. It is solely Frodo's.

Evenstar 様案＝決定稿：The subtitle utterly fails to illuminate the core issue here, that the burden of the ring-bearer belongs solely to him and that it cannot be shared.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)「ゴンドールは従う」
ハーブ案：Boromir does not 'obey' the council here, he only concedes to it. He has not given up his argument yet that the ring can be a powerful weapon against the enemy, and this will lead to his tragedy at the climax.
> The subtitle makes Boromir a betrayer, who once obeyed and then turns to his own selfish purpose.

Evenstar 様案： Boromir does not 'obey' the council's decision, he only concedes to its will. Yet the subtitle conjurs an image as if Boromir has given up his argument to use the ring as a weapon against the enemy. As a result, he gets portrayed as a betrayer in the later stage of the film, who once obeyed and then turns to his own selfish scheme.

決定稿：Evenstar 様案のうち、
>given up his argument to use the ring as a weapon against the enemy.
⇒given up his argument altogether.
これは、「恐怖に負けたら終わりだ」のコメントと完全に重なる部分をカット変更。

＞A Journey in the Dark (chapter 28), The Road Goes Ever On...(chapter 39)
ハーブ案：（なし）
Evenstar 様案＝決定稿：The philosophical discussion gets denigrated down to a mere issue of street smartness.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)「警告に思える」
ハーブ案＝決定稿：The subtitler does not seem to know that 'but for' is one thing and 'but' is quite another.

Evenstar 様案：The subtitler is wholly unfamiliar to the English usage of 'but for': a clear show case of mistranslation.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36）「恐怖に負けたら終わりだ」

ハーブ案全面書き直し：To Boromir the ring is a gift, a powerful weapon that can be used against the Enemy as he said at the council. That has never left his mind and he cannot accept the idea that the ring should be destroyed. None of such thoughts of his is expressed in the subtitle.
⇒Evenstar 様のチェックなしで自動的に決定稿。

＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38) フロドは発った。恥ずかしい。
８月案：With these subtitles the audience cannot see that Boromir recognizes Aragorn as his superior, nor that Aragorn resisted the ring's temptation to which Boromir had succumbed.

Evenstar 様案＝決定稿：Here, Boromir understands that Aragorn won over ring's temptation to which Boromir himself has succumed to, and as a result he recognizes Aragorn as his superior. Yet the subtitles do not introduce these trains of Boromir's thoughts and emotions.

問題発生です。

決定稿(915)で、前半（直ったリスト）の次の箇所が脚本の台詞順序と逆でした。
正しい順序は
１）アラゴルン：白き都は落とさせない、我らが民を滅ぼさせはしない
２）ボロミア：我らが民・・我らが民・・・

そうすると、Our Peopleのコメント後半部は具合が悪い。
>This subtitle does not lead to the next line of Aragorn, "I will not let the White City fall."
next lineではないのです。（←なんで昨日のうちに気づかなかったよ、くぬぅう〜自分スカタン）

受動態にするとか？
This subtitle is not led by the before line of Aragorn, "I will not let the White City fall."
この字幕は前のアラゴルンの台詞からは導かれない。
インパクトが弱いように思うが。

何か良い代案はありませんか。
返信お待ちします。
とりあえず、他の部分を修正しながら、１０分おきに画面を見ています。
手紙本文は印刷出来。ご指摘どおりにPSはEnclosuresの前に入れました。
なお、郵便局は終夜営業なので大丈夫です。

わーっ！
ほんとうにすみません！なんという事だろう。信じられないミスとはこのことだ。
とうろたえてばかりはいられないので、深呼吸して、事後処理について最低限の判断とお願いをします。

・今の時刻を考えると、やはりもう一晩置くしかないか。置きたい。明日午前でお願いしたい。です。
・ご指摘の問題の代案には最低１時間、下手すると数時間かかります。（パソコンに向かえない時間帯だった/である）
★ネイティヴチェックでかなり根本的な指摘があったので，とりあえずそれも問題提起してご検討に供したいです。

取り急ぎ。引き続き投稿予定。（一時間後？）

１．発送は明日午前に延期します。
本文修正が入りました。
レター用紙がもうない★　文具屋は終夜営業ではなかった・・・けちくさいことせずにどんと買っておくべきでした。不手際で申し訳ありません。

２．ハーブさま、誤訳コメントの修正（918）とあわせて、よろしくお願いいたします。
締めは明日午前１０時です。（午後から所用で出かけるため、午前中に仕上げて投函しなければなりません。）

３．スペルチェックかけました。
手紙本文
(3）they completly〜 → completely

誤訳リスト
＞サウロン恐るに足りず
reveales → reveals

＞ゴンドールは従う
conjurs → conjures

あと、
＞指輪の力
wiseman
私のワープロソフトのチェックはなかなか厳しくて、wise man にせよと言うのですよ。

誤訳リストの表題
>Examples of Mistranslations that Distorted "The Fellowship of the Ring"
thatは大文字で始めたほうがいいのではないでしょうか。（同封リストのほうも）

そんなわけで、今日は店仕舞い、家へ帰ります。

「店仕舞い」とは文字通り、店のほうをクローズするという意味で、自宅へ帰ってからもう一度パソコンを見ます。
ちなみに、私のメアドは自宅のほうで、明朝は９時まで見ることができます。

終わったと思った途端に大きい問題が持ち上がるというのが、８月以来パターンになっている気がする…というようなゴタクはさておき。

いったん不完全な訂正案をここに出します。その上で、もう一つの問題と合わせてEvenstar 様の検討を願うための別稿をアップ予定。

--------------------------------
>正しい順序は
>１）アラゴルン：白き都は落とさせない、我らが民を滅ぼさせはしない
>２）ボロミア：我らが民・・我らが民・・・

誤り：Boromir means the people of Minas Tirith, not the human race on earth as a whole. This subtitle does not lead to the next line of Aragorn, "I will not let the White City fall."

訂正案：Boromir means the people of Minas Tirith, not the human race on earth as a whole. He is answering to the preceding line of Aragorn's: "I will not let the White City fall. Nor our people fail."

後半訳：彼はその直前のアラゴルンの台詞「白き都は落とさせない、我らが民を滅ぼさせはしない」に応えているのである（から）。

うーん弱い…足りない…良い代案が出なくて間違いを直したに過ぎません。検討続行します。