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└◇868:新・誤訳リストの英語コメント [ハーブ] 12/12 02:13

　├◇901:直らなかったリストの和訳 [白い都] 12/12 21:48
　│└◇906:Parth Galen 修正案 [ハーブ] 12/13 01:29
　└◇909:Re:新・誤訳リストの英語コメント [Evenstar] 12/13 07:06

フィリパさん宛の「DVDに残っている誤訳リスト」に、★印が新たに書き加えたものです。これは「再英訳された誤訳字幕リストの後半部分」になります。
☆＃865より言い訳引用：申し訳ないですが私の語彙で、私のかねがね思っていたこと（の一部）を書くしか出来ませんでした。「時代」(chapter 28,　chapter 39) については、「私が考えたこと」ではないのでコメントをつけられていません。
-----------------------------------

EXAMPLES OF BAD TRANSLATIONS IN DVD(2-disk)/VHS
　　　　　(Remaining Uncorrected)


＞Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe (chapter 6)
Gandalf：
[script] There are some things that I must see to.
[subtitle] I have my business.
Frodo：
[script] What things?
[subtitle] What business?
Gandalf：
[script] Questions. Questions that need answering.
[subtitle] Many things. I have to finish them.
comment：★This is the scene where it occurs to Gandalf the ring might be the One Ring, and the suspicion urges him to leave in a hurry. The subtitle fails to show the gravity of the situation.

＞The Shadow of the Past (chapter 8)
Gandalf：
[script] But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.
[subtitle] But its power is too terrible to imagine.
comment：★Viewers cannot see, reading only this translation, why the powerful wizard will not take the burden in stead of the little one. The ring is all the more terrible in the hand of the great, and that is the very reason that no one but Frodo the Hobbit is to be the ring-bearer, the hero and the center of the whole story.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
Boromir：
[script] Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.
[subtitle] A king for Gondor? We do not need one.
comment：These subtitles strongly give an impression that the word 'king' is quite unfamiliar to Boromir, as if Gondor were a republic that had never known kingship.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
Gandalf：
[script] I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins. As long as it is yours to bear.
[subtitle] I will share the burden. I will be watching you.
comment：★Again the subtitle misses the biggest point. The burden of the ring can not be shared. It is solely Frodo's.

＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
Boromir：
[script] If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done.
[subtitle] If this is the decision of the council, Gondor will obey it.
comment：★Boromir does not 'obey' the council here, he only concedes to it. He has not given up his argument yet that the ring can be a powerful weapon against the enemy, and this will lead to his tragedy at the climax.
The subtitle makes Boromir a betrayer, who once obeyed and then turns to his own selfish purpose.

＞A Journey in the Dark (chapter 28), The Road Goes Ever On...(chapter 39)
Gandalf：
[script] So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you.
[subtitle] Everyone feels that way when he's having a hard time, but you can't change it. What's more important for you is, to think what you should do at the moment.
NOTE： Only the subtitle for the latter part of the first line has been changed.
[subtitle in theater] Everyone feels that way when he's having a hard time, but it is too late to regret.


＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Frodo：
[script] I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart.
[subtitle] Your words sound kind, but they mean warning to me.
comment：★The subtitler does not seem to know that 'but for' is one thing and 'but' is quite another.

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Boromir：
[script] We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.
[subtitle] We're all afraid, but if we are overcome by fear, all will be lost. Don't forget it.
comment：★Just where is all that the ring means to Boromir?

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Frodo：
[script] It has taken Boromir.
[subtitle] Boromir....
comment：The subtitler, Natsuko Toda, often does this with short sentences: She takes one single noun out of the line and adds a question mark, or else three dots. Another example is in the article of TheOneRing.Net: "Warning?"
These two cases are representative of this style of hers. ★この後にあった「氷山の一角」誤訳リスト表紙で使ったので消します。

Such subtitles, needless to say, give audience little information and much confusion. But it does not occur to many that the fault is in the translation and not in the script itself.

＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38)
Aragorn：
[script] I let Frodo go.
[subtitle] He has left.
Boromir：
[script] Then you did what I could not.
[subtitle] I am ashamed.
comment：With these subtitles the audience cannot see that Boromir recognizes Aragorn as his superior, nor that Aragorn resisted the ring's temptation to which Boromir had succumbed.

＞ガンダルフの用事
これはガンダルフが、ビルボの指輪は「一つの指輪」かもしれないと思いつき、疑念が彼をせき立てて出発させる場面である。字幕はこの危機感を伝えることに失敗している。

＞指輪の力の恐ろしさ
視聴者は、この翻訳を読んだだけでは、なぜ力のある魔法使いが、小さき者に代わって重荷を引き受けようとしないのか、わからない。指輪は強大な者の手にあればより一層恐ろしい。まさにこの理由のためにホビット族のフロドの他は、主人公であり物語全体の中心である指輪所持者になりえないのである。

＞ゴンドールの王
この字幕は、ボロミアにとって「王」という言葉が全くなじみがないものであるかのような印象を強く与える。あたかもゴンドールは王制を経験したことがない共和国であったかのように。

＞重荷を分かち合う
またしても字幕は重要ポイントを間違えた。指輪の重荷は分かち合うことができない。それはフロドただ一人のものである。

＞ゴンドールは従う
ボロミアはここで会議に譲歩しているにすぎず、「従って」いない。指輪が敵に対する強力な武器になりうるという自説を彼はまだ捨てていない。このことがクライマックスにおける彼の悲劇を導くこととなる。
字幕はボロミアのことを、一旦は従っておきながら私利私欲のために寝返る裏切り者に仕立てている。

＞つらい目
注記：第一文の後半の字幕にみ変更された。

＞警告に思える
字幕翻訳家は「but for（もし〜がなければ）」が「but（しかし）」とは全く別物であることを知らないらしい。

＞恐怖に負けたら終わりだ
>Just where is all that the ring means to Boromir?
このコメントはむずかしくて意味がわかりません、ハーブ様。
？？指輪がボロミアにとって重要であるということは、一体全体どこへ行っちゃったんでしょう。

＞ボロミア・・・
字幕翻訳家の戸田奈津子は短い文章でよくこのようなことをする。つまり文から一個の名詞を抜き出して、疑問符かまたは点々を加えるのだ。別の例は「ワン・リング・ネット」記事にある「警告は？」である。
これら二つの事例は彼女の手法の代表例である。

このような字幕は、言うまでもなく、観客にわずかな情報しか与えず、多くの混乱をもたらす。しかし多くの人々には、翻訳が悪いのであって、脚本そのものは悪くないということが、思いも寄らないのだ。

＞フロドは発った。恥ずかしい。
ボロミアが、アラゴルンは自分より優れており、自分が屈した指輪の誘惑に耐えたと悟ったということが、これらの字幕では観客にわからない。

＃＃
私はこれでいいです。
「時代」のコメントはむずかしいですね。
Evenstar様が、英語が母語の人なら当然わかる、というようなことをおっしゃっていたので、コメントなしでいきましょうか。

＞恐怖に負けたら終わりだ
>Just where is all that the ring means to Boromir?
>このコメントはむずかしくて意味がわかりません、ハーブ様。
>？？指輪がボロミアにとって重要であるということは、一体全体どこへ行っちゃったんでしょう。
白い都様の解釈でいいんですが、他からも分かりにくいと言われたのでこれは捨てて、＃780白い都様案をベースに、より説明的にしてみました。

＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
Boromir：
[script] We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.
[subtitle] We're all afraid, but if we are overcome by fear, all will be lost. Don't forget it.
comment：★To Boromir the ring is a gift, a powerful weapon that can be used against the Enemy as he said at the council. That has never left his mind and he cannot accept the idea that the ring should be destroyed. None of such thoughts of his is expressed in the subtitle.

白い都さま、ハーブさま、お疲れさまです。
私も雑念を払いのけ、ガンガン飛ばしてまいります。脳が休止状態に入る前に手紙本文までもう１度熟稿したいので、変更についての注釈を端折ります。もしもご質問があれば、明日夕刻にきちんと時間をとってお答えする所存です。なお、コメントがプライオリティーであるというご指示に従い、コメントだけに言及しています。「ミス」に相当すると私が考える箇所は限られています。もしも変更してある場合、その主な理由は、主張が出きる限り 'to the point'　になるように試みてみた、ということです。

-----------------------------------

> ＞Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe (chapter 6)
> Gandalf：
> [script] There are some things that I must see to.
> [subtitle] I have my business.
> Frodo：
> [script] What things?
> [subtitle] What business?
> Gandalf：
> [script] Questions. Questions that need answering.
> [subtitle] Many things. I have to finish them.
> comment：★This is the scene where it occurs to Gandalf the ring might be the One Ring, and the suspicion urges him to leave in a hurry. The subtitle fails to show the gravity of the situation.

comment: This is the scene where it occurs to Gandalf for the first time that the ring might be the One Ring, and this suspicion prompts him to leave at once. Yet the subtitle fails to communicate the gravity of the situation.


> >＞The Shadow of the Past (chapter 8)
> Gandalf：
> [script] But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.
> [subtitle] But its power is too terrible to imagine.
> comment：★Viewers cannot see, reading only this translation, why the powerful wizard will not take the burden in stead of the little one. The ring is all the more terrible in the hand of the great, and that is the very reason that no one but Frodo the Hobbit is to be the ring-bearer, the hero and the center of the whole story.

comment: In this translation, the wizard gives no helpful explanation as to why he himself refuses to shoulder the burden and makes the little one to do so in his stead. Here, the very reason that the ring is all the more terrible in the hand of the great than to be kept in possession of an ordinary remains untouched.


> > ＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
> Boromir：
> [script] Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king.
> [subtitle] A king for Gondor? We do not need one.
> comment：These subtitles strongly give an impression that the word 'king' is quite unfamiliar to Boromir, as if Gondor were a republic that had never known kingship.

comment: These subtitles create a domineering impression that a 'king' or 'kingship' as a notion is quite unfamiliar to Boromir, as if Gondor were a republic.


These subtitles give
> > ＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
> Gandalf：
> [script] I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins. As long as it is yours to bear.
> [subtitle] I will share the burden. I will be watching you.
> comment：★Again the subtitle misses the biggest point. The burden of the ring can not be shared. It is solely Frodo's.

comment: The subtitle utterly fails to illuminate the core issue here, that the burden of the ring-bearer belongs solely to him and that it cannot be shared.


> >＞The Council of Elrond (chapter 23)
> Boromir：
> [script] If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done.
> [subtitle] If this is the decision of the council, Gondor will obey it.
> comment：★Boromir does not 'obey' the council here, he only concedes to it. He has not given up his argument yet that the ring can be a powerful weapon against the enemy, and this will lead to his tragedy at the climax.
> The subtitle makes Boromir a betrayer, who once obeyed and then turns to his own selfish purpose.

comment: Boromir does not 'obey' the council's decision, he only concedes to its will. Yet the subtitle conjurs an image as if Boromir has given up his argument to use the ring as a weapon against the enemy. As a result, he gets portrayed as a betrayer in the later stage of the film, who once obeyed and then turns to his own selfish scheme.

> > ＞A Journey in the Dark (chapter 28), The Road Goes Ever On...(chapter 39)
> Gandalf：
> [script] So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you.
> [subtitle] Everyone feels that way when he's having a hard time, but you can't change it. What's more important for you is, to think what you should do at the moment.
> NOTE： Only the subtitle for the latter part of the first line has been changed.
> [subtitle in theater] Everyone feels that way when he's having a hard time, but it is too late to regret.

comment: The philosophical discussion gets denigrated down to a mere issue of street smartness.


> > > ＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
> Frodo：
> [script] I know what you would say, and it would seem like wisdom, but for the warning in my heart.
> [subtitle] Your words sound kind, but they mean warning to me.
> comment：★The subtitler does not seem to know that 'but for' is one thing and 'but' is quite another.

comment: The subtitler is wholly unfamiliar to the English usage of 'but for': a clear show case of mistranslation.


> > ＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)
> Boromir：
> [script] We're all afraid, Frodo, but to let that fear drive us to destroy what hope we have. Don't you see, it's madness.
> [subtitle] We're all afraid, but if we are overcome by fear, all will be lost. Don't forget it.
> comment：★Just where is all that the ring means to Boromir?

英文自体に問題はもちろんないのですが、このコメントで云わんとされるところが今一つ分かりかねます。

> > ＞Parth Galen (chapter 36)

このコメントについて、お勧めできるような変更はありません。

> > ＞The Departure of Boromir (chapter 38)
> Aragorn：
> [script] I let Frodo go.
> [subtitle] He has left.
> Boromir：
> [script] Then you did what I could not.
> [subtitle] I am ashamed.
> comment：With these subtitles the audience cannot see that Boromir recognizes Aragorn as his superior, nor that Aragorn resisted the ring's temptation to which Boromir had succumbed.

comment: Here, Boromir understands that Aragorn won over ring's temptation to which Boromir himself has succumed to, and as a result he recognizes Aragorn as his superior. Yet the subtitles do not introduce these trains of Boromir's thoughts and emotions.