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└◇1265:Re:［添削依頼］ＰＪあての送付文 [ハーブ] 01/02 11:19

　└◇1268:ＰＪあての送付文 [白い都] 01/02 23:56
　　├◇1271:約束は出来ませんが [ハーブ] 01/03 01:32
　　│└◇1284:メールお手伝いの試み [ここのつ] 01/05 00:06
　　├◇1294:PJ宛送付文（加筆解説） [ハーブ] 01/05 20:27
　　└◇1295:PJ宛全文 [ハーブ] 01/05 21:09
　　　└◇1299:抜けてました [ハーブ] 01/05 23:51

挨拶抜きで。

>take into consideration.
＞とっくり考えておくれ、という感じ？
素直に「考慮に入れる」ために、と解釈してください。

＞でも、やっぱりＰＪにもこれを見てもらいたい。

だとすると、「先日手紙と資料送った者です、追加を送ります」で済むNLと同じ文では駄目。

次のような文案を考えています。
・今までに私たちの何人かは「最も酷い誤訳のリスト」「DVDに残る誤訳のリスト」などを送ってきた。今回私が送付する資料も、すでに到着していて、あなたには不要かもしれない。その場合は許していただきたいが、日ヘラの発表を訳したと称するTORNの掲載投稿は、訳のクオリティー・主張ともに信頼できないので、私も送ることにした。
・要点は、「発表」の美辞麗句が煙幕であり、日ヘラは根本を変更する気はないこと。同じ良い完訳をベースにしていて、戸田氏による字幕のみが、ファンを怒らせている、つまりTTT予告編の訳という『万全の体制の生んだ結果』が、戸田氏ある限り良い字幕は不可能と判断する根拠だと言うこと。

これはEvenstar 様や私の投稿からかなり類似文を拾えると思います。現在の私の状況は、
１．依頼された個人の添削　２．コメント英訳のための人員採用（メールで送られてくるトライアルのレベル判断とその返信書き）及び割り振り　３．自分がやってるコメント英訳　４．チェッカー確保の手配
などを抱えているので、本稿ご検討の上、「PJ宛資料送付につける英文」をご再考ください。それをもとに協議・添削します。

説明を入れた文章にしてみました。かなりの部分をEVEVSTARさまのTRON投稿（1262）から切り張りさせていただきました。が、繋ぎ目に自分で書いた文章とのレベルの差が際立つなあ・・・
これを、意味が通じてかつ失礼のない文章に直すのには時間が掛かりそうなので、明日ではなく、６日の夕方発送にしたいです。（４〜５日は当方の都合で印刷作業ができない）
ハーブさまのご都合はいかがですか。

それより遅くなるようなら、ゴンさまにお願いして、改善室署名に同封してもらうようにしたほうがいいでしょうか？　早く出せないのならわざわざ下手な英語を書いて別便にする意味は少ないし、嘆願書と併せて読むほうがわかりやすいから。

＃＃＃＃＃
Dear Mr. Jackson

I am a great fan of your film "The Lord of the Rings".
My friends and I have been to protest against the terrible Japanese subtitles. Some of us sent you petitions about the subtitles in FotR with the list of "Most Serious Errors in the Translation of the Japanese Subtitles" "Examples of Remaining Mistranslation in DVD/VHS" and so on.

Now I send you materials including the official announcement on December 25th by The Japanese distributor, Nippon Herald Inc., for you to take into consideration.
If you have already received these things, forgive me to bother you.
Some of them are in Japanese. I would ask you to have someone who is good at Japanese read them.

You may hear the article of the OneRingNet titled "Japanese Translations Improving? Now in Greece…." in the news section on 12/28. In that article there is a English translation from the official announcement of Nippon Herald Inc. made by Luinneion.
But we can not trust it because there are a number of inaccuracies and serious mistranslation in it. So I send you the original Japanese one.

The official announcement, in short, says that Natsuko Toda who was responsible for the FotR subtitles will remain as the subtitler for the future installments. Nippon Herald Inc. insist that they have heard nothing from you. The credits for the TTT subtitles as a part of the "Staff & Cast" credits will be as follows: "Subtitles by Natsuko Toda, in collaboration with Akiko Tanaka (co-translator of the original books) and Hyoronsha (publisher of the books)."
They say that in the TTT international trailer, Akiko Tanaka and Hyoronsha checked the both translation of the subtitled version and the dubbed version. The interesting thing about all this is, that while the dubbed version turns out to be quite excellent, the subtitled version continues to be a problem. You can compare the two versions in the enclosure (2).

Therefor the situation on the Japanese subtitles has not substantially improved. We believe that this 'entire consultation process' is just a big smoke screen. It seems, that as long as Toda remains the main subtitler, there is nothing for the Japanese fans to rejoice about.


Sincerely yours,

＞明日ではなく、６日の夕方発送にしたいです。（４〜５日は当方の都合で印刷作業ができない）
＞ハーブさまのご都合はいかがですか。

とにかく1/5まではコメント英訳に追われています。
早くて1/6昼だと思います。私が手直ししてここにアップできるのは。

＞それより遅くなるようなら、ゴンさまにお願いして、改善室署名に同封してもらうようにしたほうがいいでしょうか？　早く出せないのならわざわざ下手な英語を書いて別便にする意味は少ないし、嘆願書と併せて読むほうがわかりやすいから。

同封は筋が違うだろうと思うのですが。第一二度手間じゃないですか？ゴン様に送らないと、でしょう？　
「別便にする意味」は私は大いにあると思いますよ。
ともあれゴン様に聞いてください。
（すいません、どんどんぶっきらぼうになってますね。相手が白い都さまだからといってこれはいかん＞自分）

最初に、今朝、[1281]の中で私が書いた
＞この場合、「the English Translation」のEnglishが必要か否か、という気がちょっとします
これについては取り下げます、ごめんなさい^^;
（英語の人に英語の文を見せるのだから「これは翻訳です」で足りるかなみたいに思ったのでした。でも、考え直しました）

で、改めまして、白い都さんへ。
今朝の時点では道半ばだったもので、何も言えなかったのですが、メールの方も、若干なりとものお手伝いができればと思いまして、私なりに気づけた部分を、私なりに手を入れてみました。限られた時間内で出来た分だけ（余裕があれば、自分でも気づけたかもしれないケアレスミスなども残ってる可能性大です^^;）、提出してみます。とは言っても、何度も申してますが、決して大いに自信があってのものではありません。私なりに文意を解釈した上で、私ならこう書くかな、という程度のものです。（でも勝手に補足した部分もあります）

で、私の書いたものは、基本的に要添削レベルですので。うまいことなんとかハーブさんの手間が減る方向に働くといいな〜と、思いつつ、ちょい不安、なのですが。だから、もし余計に手間かかる、であったら、この投稿は無いものとしてくださってもいっこうに構いませんので、例によって(^^)。

-------------------------------
＞I am a great fan of your film "The Lord of the Rings".
＞My friends and I have been to protest against the terrible Japanese subtitles. Some of us sent you petitions about the subtitles in FotR with the list of "Most Serious Errors in the Translation of the Japanese Subtitles" "Examples of Remaining Mistranslation in DVD/VHS" and so on.
I am a great fan of your film "The Lord of the Rings."
My friends and I have been protesting against the terrible Japanese subtitles since March 2002. Some of us have sent you the petitions about the subtitles in FotR with the list of "Most Serious Errors in the Translation of the Japanese Subtitles," "Examples of Remaining Mistranslation in DVD/VHS," and so on.


＞Now I send you materials including the official announcement on December 25th by The Japanese distributor, Nippon Herald Inc., for you to take into consideration.
＞If you have already received these things, forgive me to bother you.
＞Some of them are in Japanese. I would ask you to have someone who is good at Japanese read them.
Now I send you some materials including the official announcement on December 25th by the Japanese distributor, Nippon Herald Films Inc., for you to take into consideration.
If you have already received these things, please forgive me to bother you.
I regret that some of them are in Japanese. We didn't have enough time or worker to translate all of them, and we are in a hurry because the release of TTT in Japan is coming. I would ask you to have someone who is good at Japanese to read them.


＞You may hear the article of the OneRingNet titled "Japanese Translations Improving? Now in Greece…." in the news section on 12/28. In that article there is a English translation from the official announcement of Nippon Herald Inc. made by Luinneion.
＞But we can not trust it because there are a number of inaccuracies and serious mistranslation in it. So I send you the original Japanese one.
You may hear of the article on the OneRingNet titled "Japanese Translations Improving? Now in Greece…." in the news section on 12/28. In that article there is a English translation from the official announcement of Nippon Herald Films Inc. made by Luinneion. But there are a number of inaccuracies and serious mistranslation in it. So I send you the original Japanese one with the Englisih translation of the main part.


＞The official announcement, in short, says that Natsuko Toda who was responsible for the FotR subtitles will remain as the subtitler for the future installments. Nippon Herald Inc. insist that they have heard nothing from you. The credits for the TTT subtitles as a part of the "Staff & Cast" credits will be as follows: "Subtitles by Natsuko Toda, in collaboration with Akiko Tanaka (co-translator of the original books) and Hyoronsha (publisher of the books)."
The official announcement, in short, says that Natsuko Toda who was responsible for the FotR subtitles will remain as the subtitler for the future installments. Nippon Herald Films Inc. insist that they have heard nothing from you. After all, they say that the names of translators will be shown before the original title in the subtitled TTT print as follows: "Subtitles by Natsuko Toda, in collaboration with Akiko Tanaka (co-translator of the original books) and Hyoronsha (publisher of the books)."


＞They say that in the TTT international trailer, Akiko Tanaka and Hyoronsha checked the both translation of the subtitled version and the dubbed version. The interesting thing about all this is, that while the dubbed version turns out to be quite excellent, the subtitled version continues to be a problem. You can compare the two versions in the enclosure (2).
They also say that on the TTT international trailer, Akiko Tanaka and Hyoronsha had checked the both translation of the subtitled version and the dubbed version. And we confirmed there was the great difference between the impressions given by the dubbed version and the subtitled one. Just like the case of FotR, while the dubbed version turns out to be quite excellent, the subtitled version continues to be a problem. If you have someone who reads Japanese well enough to understand the sensitive meanings, you can compare the two versions in the enclosure (2).


＞Therefor the situation on the Japanese subtitles has not substantially improved. We believe that this 'entire consultation process' is just a big smoke screen. It seems, that as long as Toda remains the main subtitler, there is nothing for the Japanese fans to rejoice about.
Therefor the situation of the Japanese subtitles has not substantially improved. They explain like that they take a 'entire consultation process,' but we believe it is just a big smoke screen. It seems, that as long as Toda remains the main subtitler, there is nothing for the Japanese fans to rejoice about.

ここのつ様が文法ミスなどはおおむね直してくださった上、加筆は最小限にとどめていらっしゃるので、そちら（＃1284）をベースにしています。
ハーブ案全文は続いてアップ予定。

＞I am a great fan of your film "The Lord of the Rings."
加筆提案：, and I have been a Tolkien reader for more than 20 years. The
Japanese subtitle problem is utterly crucial to me.

>My friends and I have been protesting against the terrible Japanese subtitles since March 2002. Some of us have sent you the petitions about the subtitles in FotR with the list of "Most Serious Errors in the Translation of the Japanese Subtitles," "Examples of Remaining Mistranslation in DVD/VHS," and so on.
問題ないと思います。長過ぎるようならリストの正式名称を簡単にする事も考えられますが。

＞Now I send you some materials including the official announcement on December 25th by the Japanese distributor, Nippon Herald Films Inc., for you to take into consideration.
⇒Now I send you some materials for you to take into consideration. They include the official announcement on December 25th by the Japanese distributor, Nippon Herald Films Inc., which has caused a flood of renewed anger among us fans.
＞If you have already received these things, please forgive me to bother you.
⇒If you have already received these things, please forgive me.

カット提案：次の部分、Enclosuresの目録の前か後に移動してはどうでしょうか。手紙本文は極力簡潔にして最後の２段落まで読んで欲しいので。
＞I regret that some of them are in Japanese. We didn't have enough time or worker to translate all of them, and we are in a hurry because the release of TTT in Japan is coming. I would ask you to have someone who is good at Japanese to read them.

＞You may hear of the article on the OneRingNet titled "Japanese Translations Improving? Now in Greece…." in the news section on 12/28. In that article there is a English translation from the official announcement of Nippon Herald Films Inc. made by Luinneion. But there are a number of inaccuracies and serious mistranslation in it. So I send you the original Japanese one with the Englisih translation of the main part.
⇒You may already know of the article on the OneRingNet titled "Japanese Translations Improving? Now in Greece…." in the news section on 12/28, where you can read English translation of the official announcement of Nippon Herald Films Inc. But I have to say that whoever the writer Luinneion is, the article had a number of inaccuracies and serious mistranslations in it. So I send you the original Japanese one with our English translation of the main part.

＞The official announcement, in short, says that Natsuko Toda who was responsible for the FotR subtitles will remain as the subtitler for the future installments.
⇒The official announcement, in short, says that Natsuko Toda who made all the distortion in FotR will remain as the subtitler for the future installments.

＞Nippon Herald Films Inc. insist that they have heard nothing from you. After all, they say that the names of translators will be shown before the original title in the subtitled TTT print as follows: "Subtitles by Natsuko Toda, in collaboration with Akiko Tanaka (co-translator of the original books) and Hyoronsha (publisher of the books)."
⇒Nippon Herald Films Inc. insist that they have heard nothing from you. After all, the name Natsuko Toda will be shown BEFORE the original title in the subtitled TTT print!

あるいは両方まとめてこの段落
⇒The official announcement, in short, says that they have heard nothing from you, that Natsuko Toda who made all the distortion in FotR will remain as the subtitler for the future installments. In the subtitled print in Japan we will see the name Natsuko Toda be shown BEFORE or along with the original title 'The Two Towers', where you avoided to put your name!

>They also say that on the TTT international trailer, Akiko Tanaka and Hyoronsha had checked the both translation of the subtitled version and the dubbed version. And we confirmed there was the great difference between the impressions given by the dubbed version and the subtitled one. Just like the case of FotR, while the dubbed version turns out to be quite excellent, the subtitled version continues to be a problem. If you have someone who reads Japanese well enough to understand the sensitive meanings, you can compare the two versions in the enclosure (2).

２文め
⇒But we assure you, there was a great difference between the impressions given by the dubbed version and the subtitled one, great enough to motivate us to start a new petition.
新規挿入提案：If based on the same 'complete translation' and equally checked and double-checked as they tell us, what then, we ask, makes the difference?
この文カット提案、または文末変更
＞Just like the case of FotR, while the dubbed version turns out to be quite excellent, the subtitled version continues to be a problem.
最後の部分　continues to be a problem. ⇒ continues to be painfully problematic.
ラスト１文
If you have someone ⇒ I hope you have someone

最終段落のみ白い都原案ベース
＞Therefor the situation on the Japanese subtitles has not substantially improved. We believe that this 'entire consultation process' is just a big smoke screen. It seems, that as long as Toda remains the main subtitler, there is nothing for the Japanese fans to rejoice about.
⇒ I believe that this lengthy 'entire consultation process' explained in the announcement is just a big smoke screen by Nippon Herald Films Inc. As long as Toda remains the main subtitler, there is no hope for the Japanese fans to genuinely enjoy your TTT.

完成稿のつもりではありませんが。

＞かなりの部分をEVEVSTARさまのTRON投稿（1262）から切り張りさせていただきました。が、繋ぎ目に自分で書いた文章とのレベルの差が際立つなあ・・・

その点（ちぐはぐ感）だけはかなり解消できたと思うのですが、つまりそれはEvenstar 様のカラーを薄め、全体にハーブの色がかかったということで (^^;)

まあ私に婉曲エレガント路線は無理というのは白い都様には先刻ご承知の事でしょうから、これを通読して頂いて、さらに言いたいことは遠慮なくおっしゃって下さい。ハーブに出来るかどうかはその後で検討します。
---------------------------------
Dear Mr. Jackson

I am a great fan of your film "The Lord of the Rings", and I have been a Tolkien reader for more than 20 years.
The Japanese subtitle problem is utterly crucial to me.

My friends and I have been protesting against the terrible Japanese subtitles since March 2002. Some of us have sent you the petitions about the subtitles in FotR with the list of "Most Serious Errors in the Translation of the Japanese Subtitles," "Examples of Remaining Mistranslation in DVD/VHS," and so on.

Now I send you some materials for you to take into consideration. They include the official announcement on December 25th by the Japanese distributor, Nippon Herald Films Inc., which immediately caused a flood of renewed anger among us fans.
（If you have already received these things, please forgive me.）

You may already know of the article on the OneRingNet titled "Japanese Translations Improving? Now in Greece…." in the news section on 12/28, where you can read English translation of the official announcement of Nippon Herald Films Inc. But I have to say that whoever the writer Luinneion is, the article had a number of inaccuracies and serious mistranslations in it. So I send you the original Japanese one with our English translation of the main part.

The official announcement, in short, says that they have heard nothing from you, that Natsuko Toda who made all the distortion in FotR will remain as the subtitler for the future installments. In the subtitled print in Japan we will see the name Natsuko Toda be shown BEFORE or along with the original title 'The Two Towers', where you avoided to put your name!

I believe that the lengthy 'entire consultation process' explained in the announcement is just a big smoke screen by Nippon Herald Films Inc. As long as Toda remains the main subtitler, there is no hope for the Japanese fans to genuinely enjoy your TTT.

----------------------
最後に決めの一言が欲しいところだが。明日午前までに思いつくか？

最終段落の前にこの段落が抜け落ちてました！(どうも全体が短過ぎると思った)
ううむ、これ入れて見るとやはり長いですね。さらに検討します。
あ、以下の文章はもとは一つの段落なんですが、真ん中に切れ目入れてみました。これは絶対じゃないです。

They also say that on the TTT international trailer, Akiko Tanaka and Hyoronsha had checked the both translation of the subtitled version and the dubbed version. But we assure you, there was a great difference between the impressions given by the dubbed version and the subtitled one, great enough to motivate us to start a new petition in November.

If based on the same 'complete translation' and equally checked and double-checked as they tell us, what then, we ask, makes the difference?
Just like the case of FotR, while the dubbed version turns out to be quite excellent, the subtitled version continues to be painfully problematic.
I hope you have someone who reads Japanese well enough to understand the sensitive meanings, you can compare the two versions in the enclosure (2).